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I used to think about how I wanted to cease to exist, not about how I wanted to kill myself. Just wanted to die and for there to be nothing after it. Got on meds, found what I consider to be God (cliche as hell but true). Still want to not be alive sometimes, never think of suicide, but now I've got things anchoring me and thing to look forward to.
It was never that my life was so bad, it was that awful thoughts wouldn't go away. I'd spend 99.9% of the day thinking things that I didn't want to think, couldn't explain why I was thinking them, and couldn't stop, no matter what.
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